Hilary, I am 74 a Grammy and you had me laughing… although I did not get a lot of your references (again I am 74), but your title got me. I thought wow I’m gonna read this. I wanna know if this person is really the person that invented Post-its… because I was on the launch team at the company that I worked for which was an office supply company that introduced the product to the market that I was living in. And I knew that the person that really invented them was older than me. So, Hilary, there’s a laugh for you. Your title caused a 74 year-old Grammy to read about something she didn’t understand but thoroughly enjoyed.🧓
I went to mine, and if you really want a hit of reality — I showed up six months pregnant with my second.
I was feeling fat, tired, and very small compared to all of the women I went to school with who seemed to have it all together — beautiful clothes, fantastic careers, sparkly diamond engagement rings (on some), and others glowing with the tan they had just gotten on their latest vacation to some exotic destination.
And there I was — very pregnant and not feeling particularly proud of myself in comparison.
It wasn’t until I had to use the ladies room (I know — shocker at six months pregnant) that everything shifted.
In that room, I found some of my closest friends — crying.
The same people I had been feeling envy for in the other room were now in tears, feeling just as small for the very same reason — comparison.
We began having the real talk in the ladies room.
About the bad marriages.
The miscarriages some had suffered as they longingly looked at my belly.
The careers they had worked so hard for in college that didn’t feel quite as shiny and sparkly in real life.
So we cried.
And we laughed.
And we all came to the same conclusion — there is no perfect. But there is a place where you learn to love yourself and be comfortable in who you are right now.
And sometimes… that place is in the ladies room — where huddled friends, speaking the truth, find the village they really need.
This is so powerful. That shift from what it looks like in the room to what’s actually happening in the bathroom is everything. It’s crazy how we can all be comparing ourselves in one space, and then walk into another and realize we’re all feeling the exact same thing.
“There is no perfect” is exactly it. There’s just real.
This is fantastic. So accurate. Love the writing. Especially love
"Anyway.
I’m not going.
I thought about it for three days and realized… I don’t want to leave my kids for a weekend. This is where I want to be."
The only people who don't understand that desire are the people who have never been parents. I literally wrote a similar thought in a recent essay called "You Have Permission to Say F*ck Off
And start listening to yourself instead of everyone else." link below if you're interested.
Kudos to you for living with it and listening to yourself. & congrats on inventing post its... I invented the paper clip. ;)
The Romy and Michele reference is so perfect because it really is that feeling… wanting to show up as who you are now, but also knowing exactly who you used to be in that same room.
My brother and I agreed that if we couldn't descend from a helicopter via rope ladder right into the middle of the reunion, we weren't going.
So while I have been tempted a few times (when I had some stereotypically "winning" news to share), I have never been.
It's funny what you named about the feeling of "not having anything to show for it". It is exactly like that but also, **you have a whole human to show for it!!!**
Our culture is extremely weird about children, parenthood and motherhood especially.
I missed my 20 year reunion a couple years ago and I was kinda sad about it, since I knew many of my friends were going. The truth is, though, I don't need the reunion if I still see the people who matter to me. Otherwise, you're right- it's just curiosity about who's bald, who still "looks the same," who got divorced, and who married or became a doctor. I am from an area small enough that many have never left the zip code anyway. Luckily, I have.
This is exactly it. You don’t need the reunion if you’re still connected to the people who matter. And the rest really is just a very polite version of “who’s bald, who got divorced, and who became a doctor” 😂
First of all, love this reference. Second, I feel this so much. I have a part-time, flexible job I can do from home, and my kids are in daycare, so I often feel like I'm not doing enough. I'm not a full-time SAHM, or a full-time employee...but I do a lot for both of those "jobs." Being a mom a lot more work than people realize, so I'm glad you're working on giving yourself more credit.
I feel this so much. That in-between space is so real, and we don’t talk about it enough. You’re doing both, even if it doesn’t fit neatly into one box. And that’s a lot. Also… being a mom is way more work than people give it credit for. Always.
Title had me hooked before I even opened because I LOVE that movie! I feel this, I don’t go to my reunion either and I probably won’t attend any others in the future. I have nothing to prove to anyone and all the people I care to see are still in my life anyway 🤷🏻♀️ I hate that quiet whisper telling us being a mom is “just” when it’s the farthest thing. Thanks for sharing!
That “quiet whisper” is exactly it. So subtle but so loud. And I love what you said about not having anything to prove. The people who matter already know, and the life we’re building is actually happening, not something we need to explain. Also… being a mom being labeled as “just” anything will never make sense to me. It’s the most everything thing I’ve ever done. So glad this resonated
Hilary, I am 74 a Grammy and you had me laughing… although I did not get a lot of your references (again I am 74), but your title got me. I thought wow I’m gonna read this. I wanna know if this person is really the person that invented Post-its… because I was on the launch team at the company that I worked for which was an office supply company that introduced the product to the market that I was living in. And I knew that the person that really invented them was older than me. So, Hilary, there’s a laugh for you. Your title caused a 74 year-old Grammy to read about something she didn’t understand but thoroughly enjoyed.🧓
This made me smile so much. I love that the title pulled you in (even if it tricked you a little 😄).
And now I feel like you have the real Post-it story!
Thank you for reading and for being here, it truly means a lot. 💛
I went to mine, and if you really want a hit of reality — I showed up six months pregnant with my second.
I was feeling fat, tired, and very small compared to all of the women I went to school with who seemed to have it all together — beautiful clothes, fantastic careers, sparkly diamond engagement rings (on some), and others glowing with the tan they had just gotten on their latest vacation to some exotic destination.
And there I was — very pregnant and not feeling particularly proud of myself in comparison.
It wasn’t until I had to use the ladies room (I know — shocker at six months pregnant) that everything shifted.
In that room, I found some of my closest friends — crying.
The same people I had been feeling envy for in the other room were now in tears, feeling just as small for the very same reason — comparison.
We began having the real talk in the ladies room.
About the bad marriages.
The miscarriages some had suffered as they longingly looked at my belly.
The careers they had worked so hard for in college that didn’t feel quite as shiny and sparkly in real life.
So we cried.
And we laughed.
And we all came to the same conclusion — there is no perfect. But there is a place where you learn to love yourself and be comfortable in who you are right now.
And sometimes… that place is in the ladies room — where huddled friends, speaking the truth, find the village they really need.
The truthful one.
This is so powerful. That shift from what it looks like in the room to what’s actually happening in the bathroom is everything. It’s crazy how we can all be comparing ourselves in one space, and then walk into another and realize we’re all feeling the exact same thing.
“There is no perfect” is exactly it. There’s just real.
Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you too! Your excellent work lead to this comment. Women are amazing!
This is fantastic. So accurate. Love the writing. Especially love
"Anyway.
I’m not going.
I thought about it for three days and realized… I don’t want to leave my kids for a weekend. This is where I want to be."
The only people who don't understand that desire are the people who have never been parents. I literally wrote a similar thought in a recent essay called "You Have Permission to Say F*ck Off
And start listening to yourself instead of everyone else." link below if you're interested.
Kudos to you for living with it and listening to yourself. & congrats on inventing post its... I invented the paper clip. ;)
https://courtneydashe.substack.com/p/you-have-permission-to-say-fck-off?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web
this had me gigglinggg 💖
💖💖
LOL
The Romy and Michele reference is so perfect because it really is that feeling… wanting to show up as who you are now, but also knowing exactly who you used to be in that same room.
🫶🫶
This is hilarious! Loved this movie too. Listening to the soundtrack again. Thanks for bringing me back.
So glad it brought some joy to you!
Tell the A squad “ I hope your babies look like monkeys” 😆 (but in a cute hairy baby way)
😂😂
My brother and I agreed that if we couldn't descend from a helicopter via rope ladder right into the middle of the reunion, we weren't going.
So while I have been tempted a few times (when I had some stereotypically "winning" news to share), I have never been.
It's funny what you named about the feeling of "not having anything to show for it". It is exactly like that but also, **you have a whole human to show for it!!!**
Our culture is extremely weird about children, parenthood and motherhood especially.
And by "weird" I mean ignorant and damaging.
I missed my 20 year reunion a couple years ago and I was kinda sad about it, since I knew many of my friends were going. The truth is, though, I don't need the reunion if I still see the people who matter to me. Otherwise, you're right- it's just curiosity about who's bald, who still "looks the same," who got divorced, and who married or became a doctor. I am from an area small enough that many have never left the zip code anyway. Luckily, I have.
This is exactly it. You don’t need the reunion if you’re still connected to the people who matter. And the rest really is just a very polite version of “who’s bald, who got divorced, and who became a doctor” 😂
Also… leaving changes everything
First of all, love this reference. Second, I feel this so much. I have a part-time, flexible job I can do from home, and my kids are in daycare, so I often feel like I'm not doing enough. I'm not a full-time SAHM, or a full-time employee...but I do a lot for both of those "jobs." Being a mom a lot more work than people realize, so I'm glad you're working on giving yourself more credit.
I feel this so much. That in-between space is so real, and we don’t talk about it enough. You’re doing both, even if it doesn’t fit neatly into one box. And that’s a lot. Also… being a mom is way more work than people give it credit for. Always.
Title had me hooked before I even opened because I LOVE that movie! I feel this, I don’t go to my reunion either and I probably won’t attend any others in the future. I have nothing to prove to anyone and all the people I care to see are still in my life anyway 🤷🏻♀️ I hate that quiet whisper telling us being a mom is “just” when it’s the farthest thing. Thanks for sharing!
That “quiet whisper” is exactly it. So subtle but so loud. And I love what you said about not having anything to prove. The people who matter already know, and the life we’re building is actually happening, not something we need to explain. Also… being a mom being labeled as “just” anything will never make sense to me. It’s the most everything thing I’ve ever done. So glad this resonated